We are nothing but a thin layer of cosmic bacteria

My mother is making my life very hard. I have gotten back together with kate and I am happy, but my mother is determined to hate kate in the most outrageous ways. She has threatened to hire hitmen and has expressed her desire to kill her, making things very uncomfortable for me at my house which is now her house after moving back in. The whole situation is stupid.
On a better note, Tyber and I might go to Sing and Sydney this january and later this month Kate, Donna, Brittany and I will be going to see Gogol Bordello in Atlanta!

Everything always straightens itself out though. I just hope it will be sooner than later.

news

I'm working at the sheriffs work farm, almost completed! It's the end of my legal battles for the last 4 or 5 years, so I'm very excited to be off the books for good. Kate has dumped Eric and her and I are still banging it out, very exciting. I do care about her a lot. I've been smoking a bit of weed and have been pretty lazy on humanities school work.

Women

So I suppose I'm dating this Uzbek girl and I still sort of have kate on the side, and I'm really enjoying talking to brittany on the phone now that I've got her new number. I hadn't heard from her in a long time but we seem to be kicking it oldschool, chatting it up for hours.

Why do I hang on to my old girlfriends, is it strange that I'm still friends with all of them and that it's so easy to start old love interests back up again? Maybe.

Talking with her is very nice though, it's something I miss(ed). It's hard to keep people that know you so well, know your ups and downs but mostly people that believe in you. It reminds me of American Gods, if you lose belief as a god you become weak. Sometimes I feel like that. I think that's what I'm lacking here in Florida and I'm not sure if I want to try to achieve that again. I do like wallowing around in the past but Florida doesn't seem like a worthwhile cause to me, at least this part. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to swear off friends it's just I'm content with how things are right now for this location.

School is soon so I better grab a sandwich.

Ksenyia

I had a date with a Uzbekistan(ian?) girl yesterday. She is a lot cooler than I thought when I first met her a while back, when I was dating Kate and we were at Byron's ESE party. We saw the new Final Destination 4 i think, in 3D! and there was much head explosion, death and blood to be shared. Afterward that we went driving for a while and stopped at a bar that was playing country music. It was kind of funny because in final destination there are lots of coincidences and foreshadowing shots we seemed to coincide with the situation. During the ride we talked about my fights which happened to be held at the... COUNTY LINE (a country bar)! DUN DUN DUN! We stopped for a drink at a... COUNTRY BAR!!! DUN DUN DUNNN! THE BAND THAT WAS PLAYING COUNTRY MUSIC... I HAD SEEN BEFORE!!@!@#!@! DUN DUNDNDNUNDNNUDNNN! Then we left for the beach shack, had a couple more drinks and danced around a little before we hung out on the beach for hours while making out most of the time. She's a little bitey when she kisses, it's kind of scary but kind of nice. She had very nice hands and feet as well, which I will admit is an odd observation but true nonetheless.

Later on the agenda is Yoga and my mom decided to come along! helping kate fix her computer (maybe) and possibly spending some more time with kseniya.


These are pictures of a really bad dancer. She was really enjoying herself though which is the most important part of dancing and it was very enjoying to watch her dance as well. She had some ass sweat going on which only added to her wonderful "boot scoot."

Yoga is a good thing

So I began yoga for the first time yesterday since Kristin had been talking about it and while I was dating Kate I could never get her to go with me. This was a big deterrent in many things I did because I felt like we should do more things together and when I couldn't get both of us to do an activity I, many times I felt like not doing it at all. That was pretty stupid. Either way looking back on this decision, it is probably because I didn't have any other friends than Kate (I did but they were shitty friends) which is why I should invent more time in people in general.

The yoga class is great, it's very challenging and I love a good challenge. This was the 2nd day I went and I kicked much more ass that the first class. There are also some hawt bitches in that shit as well dedicated to keeping their bodies fit and their joints flexey if you know what I mean. Anyhoo, I believe it's a good supplement to my MMA and when I hit the gym tomorrow I hope to be kicking some ass.

George is stupid

George is the owner of a place for Karate called Family Martial Arts, he is a bad teacher and recently told me that I cannot use his facility on Sunday's for private lessons because he is a total douche. Here is a rough draft of the letter I wrote to him because of it, trying to be very polite:

I began helping you I think two years ago when I had just moved from Savannah, Georgia back in with my parents to try to find myself some emotional and financial help to get me back on my feet after a big break up. Soon after coming to Florida I got myself back into school but without a job. I ventured back into the world of martial arts and found your studio where I helped out with classes that consisted mostly of children and it was fun, and I did it for free. I ran around the mall for some days trying to convince people to come in for a class using a system you bought from a person on the internet. My mother was once one of the top 10 real estate agents in all of Singapore (as a single agent, rated in terms of income) which is to say she is very skilled. Now I will not compare myself to her but usually when you are trying to sell a product or service you have to give it value and make the person feel like they are being treated well. The script did require me to say exactly that, “I have this piece of paper for you, it gives value, you’re making money by using this and spending money on us” which is heard and used all too much in the sales world and after using a script like this for a couple hours it gets depressing. Buying products like this never really are the answer though, the promise is there but there is no guarantee. One guy has a couple schools and makes money; he sees this as an opportunity to make money off of other people and can do it successfully. Excellent. His objective is money though, not you or your business; It is also his business to look like he cares. Now my opinion may differ from you but that’s ok, having different opinions is part of life and I have never tried to do anything but help your school and its students.

You are very impulsive as a person and sometimes that is a good thing but many of your bad qualities come out like due to this. Being a good role model is very important as a martial arts instructor but being hard on your students to try to overcome mental and physical troubles inside and outside of class is part of the job as well. Walking this line can be tough but I don’t think it is accomplished with phrases like “I just don’t care anymore,” and “You are the worst person in the class.” I remember having a tough time starting my martial arts career but as I’ve gotten older I know that moments like that are remembered because they were bad not because they helped me. A little care, understanding and patience can go a lot longer but they require more time. You like fast results though and who doesn’t but some things just need a little more than a plan of how you’re going to use each minute in a thirty minutes class and a lot of yelling. The memories I enjoy the best about being a martial artist are not me winning my recent fights, or the training although some of the training was a good experience bonding with fellow fighters along with the pain and effort we had to boil out of our minds and hearts. They are of when I was very young, roughly eight years old when Patrick (the instructor) would sit the class down after yelling, probably because he was having a bad day and he would explain to us that he did not mean the things he was saying. There were other things contributing to his bad mood and it was not right for him to do that or for us to let him. The purpose of the class was for our physical, emotional, spiritual and martial experience and progress and for his as well. He would also tell us stories of how it was for him when he was younger, and it always seems to be harder for their generation and the generation before them. This may be true and probably is, today there is no reason for it to be as hard. As the world moves, things become more efficient. This is not to say there should be no hardships but young children are impressionable and I would like to make it a point that you should just care. I care about them and I would not like them to be people who just don’t care anymore, in the future.

After working for roughly six months and making a rough total of fifty dollars for my efforts, I had to find other sources of money and was now in school. Studies came and semesters went and I found myself an internship working for an engineering company. I tried to help you out during sparring days because I felt like I had things to offer to the class. I realize you have your own way of teaching and have your style of martial arts that you would like your students to understand. I also have the same thing, a style. I never did try to say that your style was bad although sometimes you seemed to think I was trying to do that. You are an expert on what you do and I am an expert on what I do, experts on ourselves. Whenever there were differences in our thoughts I explained my way and gave reasons why I did things my way and that was simply that. Now I don’t really know why you got angry about this, I just truthfully told what I knew. Diversity is a good thing though, it gives the students a chance to experiment and more input to work with. Your classes are very short and I try to do a lot of explaining because there are a lot of lost faces. My results vary but they seem to work better than telling them to just do it and then telling them to do it in a slower, louder and either an angry or annoyed voice. It also shows that getting angry at problems is a viable solution. Slow down, relax I know you are having some health issues but you can still teach while taking it easy. You don’t have to make it look like you’re working hard, just tackle the problems logically and as they arise. That is more than enough; good results will come from good training. Don’t misunderstand me either, I’m trying to benefit you. You let your emotions get the best of you and it doesn’t always look pretty during class. You should be besting your emotions though so you can be the best teacher you can and win the hearts of the class.

This is not to say that I never did anything wrong. I admit during the beginning I was very scared and was a deer in the headlights. I was very tense and tried to be very hard on students because it was like that for me when I started. I don’t think many of the kids liked it when I yelled a lot of used a lot of force. Now I think I have a better way of doing things because I’ve had time to practice and understand what teaching martial arts means. Being comfortable is the most important thing for these kids. Kids that are not comfortable cannot do anything and if they can, they can’t do anything right. Lots of times they will just cry. Both of which are undesirable and should try to be avoided. Martial arts are tough though, it involves punching and kicking and being hit and pain. So there must be a boundary somewhere and it shouldn’t be drawn with a stick made of liabilities toward lawsuits. You have broken more bones that anybody else during class and things like that shouldn’t scare you but probably shouldn’t be happening that way either. If you treat your castle like it’s made of cards it will look very weak. Now I will say that I do like the renovations, the school looks much nicer than it began. Buying and selling equipment also works as a good tool to generate revenue but when you are selling a mouthpiece for 30 dollars it probably makes some parents think how much you’re upping prices. I own two mouthpieces in total I spent 30 dollars. It just looks fishy, trying to push new equipment more than once a week looks fishy also and attaching prices to everything also looks bad. When you say things like that it makes me cringe inside.

Money is rough and everybody likes to make it but you’re the head guy! The leader of your martial arts school, money is a weakness, troubles are bad and things like that are a bother but you don’t have to show it! It’s like when you say you have ADD, what benefits are you gaining from that statement. Parents want their kids to be inspired to do something good and then they want them to do good. An instructor with a short temper who cares deeply on how much money he’s making, how much his hardships are costing him and how much trouble he’s going to have to go through to make it to tomorrow is a depressing idea. While I was running around in the mall trying to get people to come into a class I came in and we did a class together. I was being hard on the kids and at the end you weren’t angry with me or upset you explained to me that money was tight and you couldn’t afford to lose people. I had to be easier on them because you wanted to make a fun class. It wasn’t going to make any Bruce Lee’s but you were getting old and want to teach a fun class for kids, make a buck and not get sued. If you change this mentality I know you can have more success and since that is what you want what’s the use of not trying it? You have changed many things about the class like its look, its structure and its administration. These are good changes but relying on external changes will not fix everything. Class structures and learning materials are one of the most important things in any type of class. There are days when these seem sloppy and unorganized. Class isn’t always meant to be fun its meant for improvement, when kids have fun though they tend to want to come back but fool around more. These are more delicate problems that patience and understanding will solve. I will not say that you have not done any changing mentally of spiritually because it seems like your new girlfriend has had some good benefits on your mood and I think the class in general is happy about that. There is always room for improvement inside one’s own mind though and I think some self reflection is healthy because even though it is your class you seem lost some of the times.

Today was a disappointment though. I had a couple of small victories. The child was crying because he had to do thirty pushups but that really wasn’t the case. He really was upset because his gloves were uncomfortable and doing pushups in them was not easy for him. 2 minutes later he had the gloves off and was finishing the pushups, after a little more coaxing he was back and sparring again. I taught Kim and John about hooks and how they can be used to get through the guard in the middle with proper angles, you were upset though when John was asking me about my opinions and yelled to me that I should just let him keep working. And so I did. Now I didn’t mean to screw up your drill I was just trying to help by adding some explanation and adding some realistic swings that didn’t follow a tempo. I fail to see how any of this dampened or lessened any value to the class though. The end of the class was a big disappointment though when you told me that you had given authority to some unknown third party and the agreement said that you can’t have anybody use the place without being an employee of yours and that I couldn’t use your class on Sunday. You did say you were trying to do another program and if that is the case I am flexible and can work around it. You clearly said that you were sorry which I didn’t feel sincerity in you saying. If you did give some other people authority on what your employees can and cannot do, that is fine. I always saw myself as a volunteer and even still though what is the harm of calling me an employee that receives a very small paycheck (nothing). Why would you give these guys authority in the first place and for what benefit? How could me using the place on Sunday be a bother? How could it be enforced and what are the consequences of you signing this document? It sounds like you made up a story because you didn’t want to tell me that you didn’t want me using the place on Sunday, when you don’t use it. If you are angry about the other week when your assistant didn’t like my choke demonstration that is fine, you made it clear and I apologized. Almost five times because I had to make sure you were appeased. I have heard that he doesn’t like chokes and he probably doesn’t like me much since then because he didn’t bother to make any eye contact with me today. Also the day after that happened you still had your head wrapped around the problem that passed, which is your choice.

I find it very rude of you to try to take that time away from me even though I show and give so much care when trying to help your class. I don’t make much money from it but I enjoy the time and I am no threat to your profit. If Sundays had any function they helped students from your regular class work on sparring and techniques they wanted to polish. Do you not like me or have I done something that I am overlooking? Your class likes me and I know how to control it and how to teach it and how to do all the things that you’re trying to get Ryan to do but I’m not asking for any money for it. Whatever your reasons are, the new guy John is more interested in finding a place where the people can train and hit harder (“More like MMA” are his words) which I gladly told him places I have and do train. Kim still wants to do private lessons and Tammy probably wants to put Diego in classes still because he does a lot of being lazy around the house I hear. By not allowing me to use your facility it dampens their wants and we have to find another place for use. This is an inconvenience for not only me but them as well. I am fine dropping the whole thing but they like doing the class with me. They enjoy it and feel like they are getting something out of it and they asked me if I would keep doing classes for them. This makes me happy enough to continue with private classes because working like this makes me feel good.

Your class has gained some success since I started there and I’m very sure it can go much further in the future. It is a shame you felt the need to kick me out because you are insecure about my performance and about your relationships with the class but I know if you start taking time to think about your emotions and why you are feeling them and if they are good or bad or appropriate, you can figure yourself out and make a great class. You do not have to try to attach a dollar sign to everything in the class, even on the handouts you gave today there was a line that said something like : PRICE – $40. In very big letters which I think is also very rude. Everybody knows what the grading costs but if you rub it in their faces that they have to pay you for everything it just looks like a big scheme. Pay this money to me and you get a belt, instead of earning the belt. Stop yelling at everybody also, it is literally not helping anything. You are using new material and there are a lot of confused faces, don’t feel like you’re being a bad teacher by going over very basic fundamentals like keeping the elbows in during the rhino blocks so it also blocks from uppercuts and how the footwork during hooks (round punches) are very important for generating velocity. Little things like this explained at the beginning will go a long way and understanding each other will make the class a more comfortable environment for learning and for improving. I do remember you saying before that you do not like criticism so my efforts may be wasted but that is ok. I’m writing this to help and because I want to.

-Stan Wielga

stupid girls

Kate decided to date Eric which I should not care about but I feel hurt. It has been a little too soon for this to happen in my books and I have been very nice about it so far, I know I should not let it get to me, control my emotions and let it slide into the place where the emotions that aren't worth much slide to. I know her broken computer (that I broke) is going to come back with a bill, and she needs financial help since I have moved out but I think I will not support her in these cases. Her new boyfriend likes to talk about how great he is much of the time, and how such great jobs are being thrown at him, and how he has a rich family, and I think that he will take care of it somehow with his zero jobs and the forty dollars David just loaned him because he needed money. For spending?

Skinny

Since I cut weight for the last fight I haven't been putting on weight. I haven't been doing much exercise either so I picked up some protein and some NO-Explode later in the day, Booyakasha, to get myself back in gear. I guess I'll finish reading American Gods first though. I've been determined to finish it since moving back in with the parents.

Yeoch

still recovering

....very merry unbirthday! To me!

I have turned 24 and I am better, faster and stronger. I still have no idea what I'm going to do today, so far my mom has started to make bagels and lox for me. Nicole has made a pecan pie, Kate said she was going to relieve some of my tension and I gave a list of books I wanted to the family. The rest is up for debate. Every birthday I usually just get drunk. Every birthday before you're 21 should definitely be spent this way, fo shizzle. I'm not so sure if every one after that should be though. It's definitely not as cool or as exciting as it used to be and it's taking a lot of extra brain power to think of something that is actually cool and fun that I can do in the Central Breverd area of Florida.
Wow nice, theres bacon here too.

*Cough Cough*

Last day on painkillers, last night at work was great. I got there totally miserable but after some caffeine and meds I started singing and dancing the night away. I did end up raging on Kyle a bit but whatever he does it to everybody else except me and today was his turn to be the end of jokes. Looks like the tables have turned big boy! but my lungs are totally dead. I'm not coughing up much of anything anymore by i still feel that my chest is congested. It makes me think that It's just going to build up and I'll have too much trouble breathing in a couple days, I'll need to get cut open and get my lungs scraped out. Ugh. Bad image. Here's a good image to even it out.
The one in the front is Potie and Freddie is licking
himself.
I've been reading a lot more now, I'm actually making progress in American Gods, a Neil Gaimon book. he wrote Neverwhere which I really liked, pick it up if you haven't read it.
I think I'm going to hit the MMA gym in an hour just to see whats up. Can't participate I'd get everybody sick, sucks.

back in action

So I'm officially back in my parents house with my cats Freddie and Pootie. I think that Freddie thinks that the time we spent in the other house was like a big vacation and now that we're back where we started he's a lot happier. Pootie is a lot happier now also with the added space to beat Fred up in.
Kate called and asked me to buy her some beer last night, so I got her a 6 of yeungling on the way back from work. I can probably get a ride back from Austin at the end of tonight. I've still got to pick up my weights and my desk from the apartment, and a couple clothes as well.
I think today I'm going to go without wearing the back brace and only wearing one of these nifty heating pads for your back my mom got. All last night I felt good wearing the thinger so hopefully it works good during the day too.

Don't step on a crack or you'll break your mothers back

The fun of having my back fucked up isn't wearing the back brace or the pain of it or having to keep perfect posture. It's being allowed to take painkillers during class, during work and during the inbetween periods.
I would just like to take some time and say how good of a day I had. I had a great day during class, I had a great day during work and in the middle I was productive and got shit done that I needed to do. Needless to say I'm glad my prescription is limited because I enjoy them too much even if I get a lot done they are harmful. . .. somehow.
Now I'm faced with another challenge write my government final in these last few hours. It's midnight and I haven't started. Why? I was trying to get some scrabble in before writing but the girls wouldn't let me join halfway into their game and now they don't want to play a second game. Bitches.





This is dan and this is a picture of him very stoned after he thought that the oven had been telling him it was 4:00 a.m. for thirty minutes.









This is a picture of a good day. -sideways

...and it was death that was behind you...

So I woke up this morning, feeling GREAT! I remembered i downloaded Filth and Wisdom, GREAT!, so I sat down and flipped that shit on. Kate and I have been sick since Dan brought his friends by and we probably got sick from sharing beers with those dirty bitches. Anyhoo, because of that I had to take care of Kate yesterday and myself today. Back to today, I was watching the movie and clearing my throat ever so gracefully when at the end of a coughing fit my whole body tensed up! My lower back went into a spazam and I found myself screaming bloody murder falling over and trying to flop back upright. I made it back to the bed after a couple minutes, once I got myself back to standing I was scared to lay back down. Once on my back I ended up laughing my ass off at the whole situation because it's the last week of school and I have to make it to class. Also I have missed 1 day of work each week for the past 2 weeks and I'm pretty sure my back will get fucked up at work tomorrow and I'll have to leave early, end result will probably be my termination. It's a pizza place though and I'm not too threatened by a dismissal and I still have my job at Existing Structures as an engineering intern which I'm slowly leaning to as my major.

Things were/are looking bad but probably because a massive surge of dopamine like brain fluids I couldn't help laughing at the thought of destiny. On a brighter note, Kate and I broke up and things couldn't be better really. She found out her GPA is 2.74 and she needed a 2.75 to keep her scholarship, so shes fucked.

Here's a picture to help anybody out there visualize where things suck. The writing is small but next to that arrow and box it clearly says PAIN

Moving around

Today was a sick but good day. The day started with a cough, then with Kate being extremely sick, then with me taking care of her. After that I got out to teaching Kim today ( I teach martial arts on the weekends. I have two students; one is a kid named Diego and the other is an older lady named Kim. Both show a lot of promise, anyways..) it went well as usual and I ended up getting praised for being a good teacher. I am a sucker for praise, an inherent Leo quality I suppose.

I'm moving back in with my parents at the end of next week and Kate and I have been talking about what to move, when to move it, etc., etc. So after teaching my class I went to mom and dad's to talk about stuff, hit the sauna, nap and sleep. And it was good. Eating dinner was just about finished and Kate busted into the house, sick as hell. Turns out she got sent home from work for being too sick and we left for our house soon after. She's in bed now after taking 6 pills of three different sorts. Hopefully she's better by tomorrow.

The last week of school starts tomorrow also, I've got a lot to write for it and I dread it. I do hate writing but I'm striving to get better at it, so on a brighter note it'll be good practice. Even though my papers usually don't contain the material the teachers want in it.

Great things

On Wednesday I saw Gogol Bordello, they are probably one of the most hard working bands out there and it definitely shows at their shows. During that day drinking was second nature and it was glorious.



Yesterday I went out job hunting with Danny West. We went to IAP Worldwide Services, they are probably assassins. Here are some fun quotes from the day though.

Danny West:

(before job hunting, talking about things to say to interviewers)
"If this doesn't work, Life of crime."

(before applying at ABC)
"If I'm drunk it went well."

(before getting my check signed)
"If somebody comes in wearing a ski mask, don't worry, it's me, just go along with it."

Test

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